Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Procrastination is not the enemy.

I wrote my last post exactly one month ago. In the last month I have decided that it's not better to write nothing at all instead of writing all of the papers that were due.

I usually procrastinate writing papers (like I'm doing right now) by writing about my feelings or some other bullshit on this blog or taking a walk around BU to try and clear my head.

When I refrain from doing these things, an anxiety builds up in the back of my mind and the paper doesn't get written. Right now, I have a page and a half complete on an eight-page paper that was due this morning. I'll lose some points for sending it in late tomorrow morning, but I'll finish it nevertheless.

But the problem is not the papers. There will always be papers (or whatever the equivalent is in my post-college career). The real problem is that I'm not satisfied with my life choices. There's something unspeakable that burns in my soul and makes me yearn for greater things than what I'm supposed to want. I don't give a shit about your fast cars and beautiful homes. I don't care about getting a job or making money or paying off my student loans. I have no motivation to write this paper. Not because I'm lazy, but because it really doesn't matter what I have to say about Elizabeth Bowen's wartime short stories. Even if these stories are of interest to me, that's all they are: something interesting.

All I want to do is listen to one of my favorite albums and watch the river flow. I want to have deep conversations with whoever will sit and listen and discuss things with me. I want to play guitar--by myself because no one else appreciates it--and sing my fucking heart out. But I sit here and write these stupid papers about other people's stories when I should be creating my own.

Can I get a witness?

5 comments:

anonymous said...

This is probably creepy as shit, but I was bored one day and found your blog through Facebook actually. I've only been following it for like a week or so, but it's interesting to read and see we're not alone in feeling so... errr... "awesome"(?) in college.

When I refrain from doing these things, an anxiety builds up in the back of my mind and the paper doesn't get written.That's the main reason I write stuff, although I started this blog to keep it more err secretive that my LJ. Good luck on finals.

mcarlos89 said...

Haha, thank you. I can't believe I actually got a witness when I asked for one. Congratulations on graduating. I'm totally following your blog from now on.

P.S. It's weird to know that I've probably at some point passed you on the street or something and will at some point do so again but will never know who you are. Just a mysteriously creepy BU student who apparently read my blog once. Good luck on life.

anonymous said...

Haha, perhaps I'll reveal my identity eventually. In a comment or something because if I were to do so on my own blog the world would explode right before a zombie apocalypse destroys all humanity.

Hm, if you do a search on Facebook and under Major put in Religion, I'll obviously be c/o 09... my picture is an epic Batgirl drawing. I could've just linked you to my Facebook profile, but I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now too and doing that instead sounds cooler... or something.

mcarlos89 said...

Well that didn't work. But alas, I am quite drunk right now. Incidentally, I couldn't find any epic Batgirl drawings on facebook. You might have to reveal your identity...or just find me on facebook since I'm not anonymous. Hope your paper doesn't suck and the zombocalypse is staved off for at least another day or two.

anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.