Thursday, February 26, 2009

ReLENTless AKA I like bad puns...

I am a Catholic. 

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. It was the first Ash Wednesday in as long as I can remember that I did not receive ashes. I didn't forget either. I was reminded by my sister via text message that I should get them and I saw people with them on their foreheads walking around all day. 

I even had an opportunity to receive them when I came out of Beijing Cafe last night around 10:20 and saw the lights on across the street in Marsh Chapel. My friend Kara and I walked up to the doors and peered inside at all of the people attending mass. She said to me, "We could stay. It's up to you." I declined, so instead we went to Crispy Crepes for dessert.

On the way there, we discussed fate vs. pre-destination and other matters pertaining to faith and religion.

"I'm not sure what I believe anymore, but I've always gotten ashes" I said.

She replied, "Well, what do they mean?"

I couldn't answer that. I mustered up something nonsensical about Jesus spending time in the desert and the palms from Palm Sunday being used to make the ashes and just blurted it out. I also told her that I wasn't giving anything up for Lent.

What would I give up? 

-Being awesome? Not possible.

-My old ace in the hole, soda? Already given up for health reasons.

-Women? Yeah, right.

-Alcohol? See above.

-Junk food? What does that really even accomplish? I love junk food. It's delicious.

I'm sure there's something that I could give up for Lent if I really thought hard about it, but I just don't care as much as I did when I was a kid and my teachers and my mom told me to give something up. Maybe I don't have as much faith anymore. Or maybe I never did; it was just obedience to adults and once I was old enough to make my own decisions, I gave up my religion.

In the end, just to satisfy Kara--who didn't like my previous post (I know, how could anyone NOT like that? I was just thinking the same thing.)--I have decided to give up fiddling with the flukes of modern technology and trying to learn how to salsa dance.

Umm, you're welcome, Kara.


P.S. 39 days 'til Jesus gets back, Woot Woot!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Top Ten Reasons You Shouldn't Go To College

10. Getting a job is overrated.

9. $200,000 - 4 years.

8. You'll stay up all night writing inane things on your blog that no one reads.

7. By senior year, you will be an alcoholic and a smoker.

6. High school girls are easier.

5. Your roommate will be a douchebag.

4. Prison food is better.

3. You'll major in Disappointment with a minor in The Art of Bullshitting.

2. Facebook will take up most of your time, with short breaks for eating and sleeping through class. (It's not as fun as it sounds.)

And the number one reason why you should never, under any circumstances go to college is... (drumroll)



1. You will learn enough to realize all of the above and eventually drop out anyway.

Thanks for watching, folks. Get home safe.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Plane crashes in the Hudson. Everyone lives. Miracle.

Plane crashes into a house in Buffalo. Everyone dies. Tragedy.

Fires ravage Australia. Thousands die.

I say, "Apocalypse."

Ever seen the movie Armageddon? Yeah, well shit ain't goin' down like that. If an enormous meteor is hurtling towards the Earth at breakneck speeds, some oil tycoon isn't going to land on it, drill into the center and set off a nuclear bomb, saving us all just in time.

It's just gonna end. Game over. No survivors.

I, for one, would love to die in the apocalypse. If there is an afterlife--just humor me, atheists--then you get to tell everybody out there how it all went down. You get to know everything that human history has to offer. Sweet.
This ship is sinking. We're all going down.
In the end, we're all gonna drown.
Sink or swim. The hour is here.
But never fear, the end is near. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sleep is for Lovers

Sleep is overrated. So is love. Love is trouble. Love is cruelty. Love is pain.

Love is like cancer. It doesn't stop growing until it kills you. Not that I'm complaining.

I'm trying a new thing. It's supposed to be cathartic. My own personal Europa.

As a writer, I'm supposed to be the one creating and manipulating through words and images, yet these words seem to have more control over me than I do over them.

By the way, Europa exists only in my head. It's this idealistic vision of the way my life would be if I left school and moved to Europe, at least for a little while anyway. Maybe it's all just fleeting. 

Joey says life is meaningless. Maybe, but we're all human (or are we dancer?). So I search for meaning amidst the emptiness, unlike Camus over there. Because without hope, I have nothing. Maybe I have nothing anyway. 

A tree fell in a forest. There was no one there to hear it. It made a loud fucking sound.

Maybe now I can go to sleep.


P.S. I promise you that the next post will be funny and lighthearted...and maybe a little irreverent. SPOILER ALERT!!! There will be midgets and breasts and maybe a little drug use. Dammit, that sounds like the plot of In Bruges. Originality, too, is overrated.