Today, Monday, March 31st -- 6 a.m.
So I'm leisurely strolling down Comm. Ave. on my way to my weekly radio program on WTBU (SIQ Mondays from 6-8. Wake up with morning SIQness!!!). I glance across the street and what do my eyes fall upon? The majestic prestige of the Warren Towers Taco Bell. Sadly, I cannot stop in later today and enjoy a deliciously unauthentic Mexican feast. Instead, I must toil in my own gloom until I find a new place to satisfy my hunger for familiar, unhealthy foods at a ridiculously low price. Why, do you ask, must I be tortured by this painful separation from the one I love?
Well, according to rumors posted on facebook (the most reliable source of info on the web), this particular restaurant happens to be closing in favor of the soul-ravaging coffee chain, Starbucks (Dun, dun, DUNNNNN!!!!!!). My speculation is that Boston University is getting rid of Taco Bell's cheap, fattening eats in favor of promoting healthy eating options around campus. In recent years, a Burger King that used to grace the sidewalks of Comm. Ave. was also shut down by the University (also according to as-of-yet unsubstantiated rumors).
I, for one, am outraged. Who does Boston University think it is? Forcing its students to be torn from that which satisfies their late night cravings and left with no other option but to shell out valuable dining points on crappy Late Nite in the dining halls. And another Starbucks?! Seriously? That makes five consecutive T stops on the green line where there will be a Starbucks available. Their coffee isn't even that good; I'd much rather enjoy a hot cup of joe from City Convenience, 7-Eleven, or Dunkin' Donuts.
I'm calling 'bullshit' and I urge you all to join me in my unrest at this travesty of an injustice. Something has to be done. There's already a facebook group and possibly, a petition, I'm not sure, but something greater must be done. It may be too late for Taco Bell, but we can take a stand and boycott Starbucks until the University is forced to bring in some other form of cheap eats available late at night (and dining halls and the GSU don't count).
Anyway, I kept walking down Comm. Ave. after my show had ended, and I was offered a free Monster Energy drink. Sweet, I AM tired, and I DID only get four hours of sleep. As I arrive to work, I crack that muthafucker open and chug. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who don't know, the ingredients to Monster are as follows:
~Pop Rocks, and
There are two servings per container and 7400 mg of their energy blend which includes all of the above, plus glucose, caffeine, guarana, inositol, glucuronolactone, and maltodextrin. Therefore, I am high as a fuckin' kite right now. Hope my heart doesn't burst. But, I kid.
Anyway, I hope everyone has an enjoyable day and does not-- I repeat, does not-- go to Starbucks. It is the coffee of the devil. Drink coffee from CityCo, the nectar of the gods. By the way, I know BU has a vested interest in CityCo as well, I just don't care. It tastes good, the people don't bother me, and it's cheap. Fuck you, naysayers.
Keep on livin' the dream, loyal readers,
~Michael J. Carlos, Rantier Extraordinaire