Wednesday, March 18, 2009

St. Patrick's Day, or Why Irish People Party Better Than Everybody Else

Imagine a band of fiddlers, mandolin pluckers, pipe corps, and Bono playing a song about the countryside. Imagine you're inside an authentic Irish pub, downing a pint with Denis Leary. Now sit back and enjoy my list of reasons why Irish people party better than everybody else.

Reason # 1: Pints of Guinness make you strong.
Reason # 2: Blonde hair, blue eyes, green shirts.

Reason # 3: Drinking in the day.

Reason # 4: Bastards on parade.
Reason # 5: Whiskey.

Reason # 6: Everyone else is pretending to be Irish and with good reason.

Reason # 7: The Dropkick Murphys.
Reason # 8: Green beer.

Reason # 9: Even a good Catholic boy doesn't have to feel guilty on this, the feast day of the patron saint of Ireland, New York, Boston, Nigeria (why?), engineers, and against snakes. Those slithering bastards.

Reason # 10: Everyone eats corned beef AND cabbage, two equally repulsive foods, and pretends to really be enjoying it.

The Golden Reason: Um, hello, Leprechauns.

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