Now that the FDA has warned consumers to avoid peanut butter indefinitely, we are all at risk to be attacked by something much more deadly than salmonella: Women on their periods. Of course, most men know to steer clear of the fairer (psh, right) sex during that time of the month. However, my research indicates that the only reason women are able to show any type of emotional restraint whatsoever during these intervals is the combination of chocolate with peanut butter.
No Reese's Peanut butter cups mean that she will be chewing you out instead.
But don't fear, comrades, I have come up with a few handy tips on how to handle the women in your life.
1. Do not, under any circumstances, initiate conversation with any woman regarding her mother, bitchy friend, co-workers, or any women whom she perceives to be prettier than her.
2. Actually listen to her when she's in a complaining mood (which will be always). I know this will be hard, but you might have to turn off the TV.
3. Do not make eye contact with any woman whom you do not already know. Chances are that she will take it the wrong way and subsequently kick your ass.
THE GOLDEN RULE: If all else fails, eat a whole jar of chunky style Skippy, get salmonella poisoning and take solace in the sweet release of death.
Until next time,
~The man without a plan
2 comments:
In response to your comment: Mike, I am SO happy now. Especially because you have RK in there...
In response to this post: REALLY, Mike? REALLY? (sigh) This is definitely such a novel idea that it was just as "hilarious" as the first time some guy thought women turned into Godzilla once a month. Maybe you should just watch your back ALL the time, because PMS or not, you may get an ass-kicking at any time. Just saying. :]
Haha, I'm thinking that at some point I'll just get jumped in one of Boston's numerous luxurious alleys and a team of renegade sorority girls will shove peanut butter down my throat. Not the worst way to go out. Just saying.
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